Gordon Robinson | Yes, dear!

I tried to save you. The Old Ball and Chain has been miserable because I haven't obeyed her instruction to write about the adversity she faces whenever she drives alone. She has graduated from miserable to angry, so, as I start writing, she's muscling me out of my chair (OW!) and taking over the controls.

Old BC: Ladies, I'm sick and tired of Old Grey Balls' writing about every sport on earth (he even did GOLF, for goodness sake) instead of the daily crisis facing Jamaican women. I bet if it was as hazardous to men to drive to major intersections these days, he'd be all over it like PNP on NIDS!

Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. Andrew is my favourite prime minister, especially since he removed the sleeveless 'ban'. But he's going about this crime-fighting thingy all wrong. One of the most vicious crimes committed against women in Jamaica is the harassment endured at every intersection overrun by 'windshield wipers'. Trust me, this is sexual harassment because men don't have a similar problem. Whenever Old GB is driving (I don't allow it often because it's bad for my heart), he only has to give them a stern glare and they melt away.

I'm not so lucky. I've been spat at, cursed and generally abused whenever I'm alone. Wipers look into the car and tell me, in graphic detail, what they want to do with me. After one of them gouged out the side of the car because I refused to pay after he ignored me and wiped my already-clean windshield, I reported it to a nearby policeman. The policeman said, 'Lady, what you expect me to do?'

GR: Old BC is overreacting. These young men have zero chance to succeed in life, first because our insipid education system ignores them if they're difficult to teach, or eliminates them if they're neither athletic nor able to achieve an artificial academic standard. Second, their parents were absent, uncaring or abusive. Third, state welfare agencies neither seek them out nor try to improve their lot. So, from an early age, they're cast into the streets to fend for themselves.

Aggressive behaviour

Nobody gets more irate than me regarding their aggressive behaviour, but my solution isn't to subject them to police abuse. My solution offers two options. One: Find a different route, no matter the circumlocution required. Two: When that fails, I roll down my window as they approach, speak to them in adult language because they're humans just like me, and give them money if they don't interfere with my windshield. It's that prep work that makes the stern glare effective.

Old BC: Old GB is full of it. He knows that I know his blood pressure rises higher than an NBA basket whenever he sees them coming. I get the foul language from him. They get the polite treatment. Yes, most of them have bad childhood experiences, but that doesn't give them the right to take it out on me. We always say that there's one law for downtown and another for uptown. The opposite rule applies regarding windshield wipers. If I gouged out someone's car, I'd be forced to pay for the damage. If I ever make the mistake of hitting down one of these men who insist on jumping in front of my car, I'd be charged. For the first time, more than a week, I saw a female windshield wiper. Instead of getting rid of the problem, it's now an opportunity for all.

Ladies, we need to form a lobby group and force Andrew to declare a ZOSO at the Trafalgar-Hope-Waterloo intersection and wherever windshield wipers roam. Clear, hold and build those intersections now. It's become so bad, I feel like breaking the red light just to escape the harassment!

GR: Sigh. I've only been married for 36-plus years. I know how to respond. Yes, dear.

Peace and love.

- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.