Michael Abrahams | Need for empathy for women’s issues

Last week, my attention was directed to an interesting letter to the editor of a local newspaper. The subject was the advertising of sanitary pads for women during the sports segment of television newscasts, “especially in prime time”, which the author of the letter deemed “inappropriate”.

According to the gentleman, who identified himself as Dalgalish Henry, these items “should be held as very personal and private by women” and “there can be no justification to flaunt them in males’ faces during the news”, as he is “concerned about this growing trend for viewers of the nightly sportscast, who are predominantly young boys and adult males”. He closed by stating that if the proposed sexual harassment bill “is to have the desired impact or effect, women must be held accountable too”, adding that “they will have to be schooled to be more discreet in sexual health and care in all aspects of their public life”.

I found Mr Henry’s comments to be irrational, and wondered what would lead someone to take the time to sit, write a letter about such a concern, and send it to the editor of a major newspaper, with the hope that it will be published for the public to see.

When I stepped back, put my own views on feminine hygiene aside, and re-examined his comments dispassionately, I realise that although he does not speak for all men, his views are a reflection of how many of our boys are socialised. We are told that penises should go into vaginas, but simultaneously taught to see the vagina as something unclean. We are encouraged to turn up for the party and have fun, but show no concern about the preparation for the shindig or cleaning up in the aftermath of the event.

MENSTRUATION IS NOT ‘UNCLEAN’

Menstruation is a normal and healthy part of a woman’s life while she is in her reproductive years. Religious, superstitious and socio-cultural beliefs have led many to believe that a menstruating woman is “unclean”, but science has dismissed such views as erroneous. Analysis of menstrual discharge has shown it to be no more ‘nasty’ than any other body fluid. It is just blood mixed with the lining of the uterus that was shed because pregnancy did not occur. Had conception taken place, that same lining would be helping to provide a nurturing environment for a foetus.

All of us began life in the uterus of a woman. A uterus that had, in the significant majority of cases, been menstruating before we were conceived. And most of us came into this world after exiting the vaginas of our mothers. So, it makes little sense to scorn the very organs that enclosed and protected us before we took our first breath of air.

Unfortunately, the scorning of female genitalia among our men is a pervasive and interesting phenomenon. For example, there are men who will indiscriminately place their unsheathed penises into the bare vaginas of women whose sexual histories they are ignorant of, but go home to their spouse, who they believe is faithful to them, and squirm at the thought of pleasing her orally, washing her panties, or buying tampons or pads for her.

LACK OF EMPATHY

I recall an incident related to me by a female friend of mine who is an entertainer. She went on tour overseas, and while staying at a mutual friend’s house with another entertainer, a male Rastafarian, he told her that a serious issue had arisen because there was only one washing machine on the premises and “man and woman clothes cannot wash together”. This after he had engaged in unprotected sex with different women and had children with them. So, apparently, men’s and women’s body fluids can commingle, but their garments cannot. It makes no sense.

Mr Henry’s letter demonstrates a lack of empathy, but I will not vilify him for it. Instead, I empathise with him. He has likely been influenced by a society that perpetuates the stigmatization of female genitalia … when they are not being used by men for their pleasure.

I think it would be a splendid idea to teach boys in school not just about reproduction and how the sperm meets the egg, but also about feminine hygiene and how women manage their periods and menstrual cycles. It may help them, especially the adolescent ones, to empathise with girls and understand that when a young lady becomes the object of their affection and sexual desire, that girl may also be dealing with severe premenstrual symptoms, such as mood swings, bloating, breast tenderness and pelvic cramps, followed by an onslaught of severe pain and heavy bleeding during menstruation.

In my opinion, it is a good thing that men and boys see the ads for feminine products. If the vagina is the source of so much pleasure for us, and we are all former occupants of a uterus, why should their care and maintenance be kept a secret?

Michael Abrahams is an obstetrician and gynaecologist, social commentator and human rights advocate. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams.