Michael Abrahams | My journey as an empath

So, I have come to realise that I am an empath. I have been one for most of my life, but did not quite know the term until relatively recently.

But what is an empath? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as one who experiences the emotions of others: a person who has empathy for others.

Looking back on my life, I realise that being an empath has been the driving force behind much of what I have done and the causes I have embraced. It is part of who I am, but it can be a double-edged sword.

Empath at Work

On one hand, being an empath has assisted me in my occupation as an obstetrician and gynaecologist. Empathy is an important trait for a physician to possess. It not only enables the practitioner to understand what the patient is experiencing and relate to their issues, but when the patient recognises the empathy being shown to them, it enhances their trust of their physician, and this strengthens the doctor-patient relationship.

I do not own and operate a vagina or uterus, but I look after people who do, and it is essential that I understand the issues, struggles and barriers they face. For example, I have learnt that many women dread gynaecological examinations. One day, after work, I lay down on my examination couch, placed my feet in the stirrups and opened my legs as widely as I could, and thought to myself, “Damn! This must feel really weird, to lie down with no underwear on, ‘skin out’ and have someone gazing up into your nether regions and inserting fingers and instruments.”

So, bearing this in mind, I try to make women as comfortable as possible in my office. I play music, offer them confectionery, use an aromatherapy diffuser, smile a lot, and examine them gently. In other words, work on all the senses to make them feel comfortable, because if I were in their position, that is what I would want. I also keep feminine hygiene products (wipes, liners, pads, and tampons) on a table adjacent to the examination couch, because if I had a vagina and visited an office where it was about to be disturbed, I would feel comfortable just knowing those products are there in case I need them.

Being an empath has also allowed me to understand people who are marginalised and bullied and has prompted me to speak out for them. Two such categories are members of the LGBTQ community and women who have had abortions. These people are considered by some to be the dregs of society; disgusting people who face daily criticism and societal rejection. But I have spent decades talking to members of these groups, hearing their stories and understanding their struggles. I feel their pain and find it difficult to see them being insulted, denigrated and disrespected and say nothing. Among these groups are some of the most beautiful people I know. I love them and I feel for them.

Unfortunately, being an empath and speaking out against bigotry and discrimination has also placed me in the cross hairs of certain individuals and organisations. For example, my defence of societal rejects has made me a target of many churchfolk who consider me to be ‘sinful’, and I have faced much condemnation and calls to ‘repent’.

Emotionally Draining

Being an empath, not surprisingly, can also be emotionally draining. Human energy is a real entity, and when hearing stories of trauma and abuse, there are times when I too feel traumatised, as I absorb the pain of others like a sponge.

Over the years, I have learnt how to manage my empathetic mindset. I have developed a broad back and thick skin, so my critics do not bother me. Rather, their barbs and insults help me to empathise more with the people I defend and motivate me to be an even more strident advocate. They do not realise it, but I receive their criticisms with gratitude as they strengthen me.

I have also learnt to manage my absorption of the negative energy and pain of others. I now leave my work at the office, training my mind to not carry the emotional burden I acquired there home with me. It has taken many years, but I have become quite adept at it. I have also learnt that there are times when, for my own sanity, I have to detach, withdraw and spend time with myself in order to recharge. Setting boundaries was also a challenge that I have now resolved. When you empathise with others you try not to hurt their feelings, but there are times when, for your own mental health, you just have to say ‘no’.

Do I enjoy being an empath? Hell yes!I absolutely embrace it. Being one has helped me to help others. It does have its drawbacks, but hey, nothing in life is perfect.

Michael Abrahams is an obstetrician and gynaecologist, social commentator, and human-rights advocate. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams.