Carolyn Cooper | A face mask is like a condom

A gas station attendant who was not wearing a mask approached my car to serve me. With the window closed, I asked him what happen to him mask. “It fall into water.” Mi never even bodder ask how it fall off him face. I suggested that he treat his mask like a condom. He needed to have more than one at hand. “Suppose you get a second lick? What yu would do?” He had a very good laugh. And since I’m now keeping masks in my car for emergencies just like this, I gave him one. He readily put it on.

This young man’s attitude is quite different from that of many people I’ve run into. And had run-ins with. The issue of mask wearing is highly contentious and very emotional. One of the security guards at a financial institution I visit regularly is now malicing me. It all started when I asked him to put his mask over his nose. He was at the entrance, taking temperatures. He reluctantly complied.

Another time, he was again not wearing his mask properly. I decided I was not arguing with him. I asked someone who was going into the building, obviously untroubled about the mask issue, to call a manager. When some people aren’t bothered about careless mask wearing, you look like the unreasonable one when you insist on the proper protocols. When the manager came, the guard said he was just taking a little break. I do understand that it’s hard to wear a mask all day on the job. But you can’t take a break at the entrance to the establishment where you are monitoring temperatures.

Anyhow, from that day, my man stop talking to me. No matter how much good morning or good afternoon mi give him, him just cut him eye. I didn’t understand the depth of his hurt until last week. A friend of mine overheard him chatting mi with a couple of other guards. He was complaining that mi call manager on him. And him was wearing him mask. He didn’t say how! And what seemed to upset him even more was that mi now walk far from him. It was as if I was treating him with scorn.

SCORNFUL DOG

Of course, I don’t scorn the security guard. I know that “scornful dog nyam dutty pudding”. That’s our Jamaican version of an English saying which appears in E. Cobham Brewer’s 1894 Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. The proverb is explained in this way: “In emergency men will do many things they would scorn to do in easy circumstances. Darius and Alexander will drink dirty water and think it nectar when distressed with thirst. Kings and queens, to make good their escape in times of danger, will put on the most menial disguise. And hungry men will not be over particular as to the food they eat.” Men and women!

With a different roll of the dice, I could be a security guard. So I try my best to treat everybody the way I would like to be treated. One of my triumphs as a teacher was tutoring a security guard who was studying to take the entrance exam to become a policeman. He was stationed at the security post just across from my home. We would have regular review sessions. I was so proud of him when he passed the exam and eventually graduated. The last time I ran into him, he was on duty at the Norman Manley International Airport. We were so happy to see each other.

What I do scorn is the attitude and behaviour of those people who do not seem to understand the purpose of a mask. Like a condom, it’s a protective device. It’s designed to stop the spread of COVID-19. But it seems as if lots of people feel they have natural immunity to the virus. So they don’t need to bother with a mask. I try to stay far from them, even if they get offended. No sane person would have sex with a stranger without using a condom. That’s my analogy for not hitching up on people who are not wearing masks properly.

LADY SAW’S ‘CONDOM’

A young man who makes regular deliveries at my home and who always wears a mask showed up all of a sudden unmasked. When I asked why he wasn’t wearing a mask, he said he was now vaccinated. Clearly, the Ministry of Health and Wellness has failed to provide effective public education about the function of vaccination and the use of masks. Too many people still don’t understand what they need to do to protect themselves.

As the number of COVID-19 cases surges again, I’m recommending that the Ministry of Health and Wellness commission Minister Marion Hall, formerly known as Lady Saw, to create a tune about managing COVID-19. In 1996, she released the big hit, Condom, on her album, Give Me the Reason. The song is a dancehall altar call:

“Can’t know di right and do di wrong

(Yu see weh mi a seh)

Dis is reaching out to all teenagers, woman an man

Yu see when having sex

Saw beg yu use protection (Safety)”

The rousing chorus is sexually explicit:

“A condom can save yu life (men)

Use it wid all yu wife (yes)

All when she huff and puff

Tell her without the condom yu nah do no work.

No, girl, don’t bodder play shy

Tell yu guy

No bareback ride – no, no, no

Nuh watch di pretty smile – remember

Di Aids will tek yu life.”

In a December 2020 Dancehall Mag interview, Minister Marion Hall announced that she was going back into the dancehall to save souls. If the Ministry of Health and Wellness takes my advice, born-again Lady Saw could save both body and soul.

- Carolyn Cooper, PhD, is a teacher of English language and literature and a specialist on culture and development. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.