Gordon Robinson | Faulty blame throwers

Gene Autry’s domino house rules: “First game double-six poses. Thereafter, the holder of double-six poses.”

Playing against Dessie, the Domino Genius, and The Dunce, Gene and I were leading 3-0. We took time out for a ritual celebration.

“Half-time,” chanted Gene “Bring the oranges!”

“We’re at Half-Way-Tree,” I countered. “Next stop, Telephone Company.”

We could see Dessie was irritated. We didn’t care. Neither did the Dunce who, driven by an almost glandular inability to worry, always seemed blissfully content. For the next hand Dessie posed double-five. Autry played five-six and, without hesitation, the Dunce contributed six-deuce.

Dessie blew a fuse, threw a domino at the Dunce’s head (where it’d likely cause least damage) and yelled, “Eediat! Yu no know sey mi have double-six?”

“I can’t help dat,” the Dunce retorted “I must mek di kareck play.”

“Kareck? KARECK? Yu mad? Yu no see yu helping to kill my double-six?”

“Me?” countered the Dunce calmly, “If you really wanted to play double-six, all you had to do is pose it. Aft dat, whatever ’appen ’appen. Ah your fault dis. If a macca, mek it jook yu!”

At this point, Haemorrhoid, the perennial but lazy domino spectator whose name came from his continuous complaints about “piles and piles” of files on his desk, tried to prevent World War III with one of his Shaggy Dog Tales:

“Two men lived side-by-side in an upscale neighbourhood. One was known as Profligate Peter; the other, Thrifty Thomas. So Peter constructed a beautifully paved driveway whilst Thomas used gravel from a mine he operated to create an equally functional but less aesthetic private road. This became a bone of contention, as Peter insisted Thomas was bringing down community values.

LOST HIS PATIENCE

One day as the argument continued across the fence, Thomas lost his patience and called Peter an insufferable snob. ‘What did you call me?’ said a visibly upset Peter. “You’d better not call me that again.”

“Ok,” said Peter retreating to the relative safety of his driveway. ‘I won’t call you an insufferable snob. You are a supercilious snob!’

Enraged, Peter leapt over the fence and charged at Thomas. Unfortunately, he slipped on the gravel driveway and fell hard on his rear end. ‘See what you’ve done?” Peter, writhing in agony, yelled at Thomas. “Me?” asked Thomas. “If you weren’t so het up about your pretty driveway this would never have happened.”

“Don’t talk rubbish,” retorted Peter, “this is your cheap gravel’s fault.”

“No,” said Thomas with a barely suppressed chuckle. “It’s your dumb asphalt!’”

As usual, Haemorrhoid guffawed loudly at his own joke.

BLAME CUSTOMERS

I couldn’t help remembering his shaggy dog story while listening to NCB’s transparent attempts to blame customers for its security lapses, resulting in millions being stolen from customers’ accounts after they received fake e-mails (purportedly from NCB) with links containing non-COVID viruses.

Blame throwing to ascribe fault for avoidable security lapses seems the latest circus act. Recently, after a mass shooting at a Texas elementary school, a Fox News guest unashamedly blamed parents for sending children to schools “easy to shoot up”.

Sigh. Send in the clowns!

I cancelled my NCB accounts decades ago for appalling customer service. I have an NCB credit card (a relic of a family connection) for which I no longer receive a timely mailed monthly statement (COVID?), nor can I access the ‘account’ on line because NCB doesn’t classify a credit card as an ‘account’. Yet, neither I nor any non-NCB customer I know received a scamming e-mail allegedly from NCB. So the ‘throwing the net wide and seeing who bites’ theory won’t stick. Tech gurus advising customers to use different e-mail addresses and different complicated passwords for each website used are only throwing dominoes at the wrong culprit.

The fundamental question is: HOW. DO. SCAMMERS. KNOW. WHO. TO. TARGET? Follow-up questions include, to what sort of due diligence and supervision does NCB continuously subject its staff? How many employees have access to customer lists/lead sheets? If you don’t want double-six to die, pose it. If you don’t want customers’ accounts hacked, restrict information available to staff.

Peace and Love!

Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.