Gordon Robinson | Keep the politics out of Parliament

The unseemly politicising of Parliament was never more evident than during last week’s kerfuffle over numbers.

One man sey ninety-nine. Di nex’ man sey sixty-five. Den di two a dem scratch and claw fi days over who right. Of course, as usual with these political squabbles, both are right. Neither is wrong. But, since these numbers are essentially irrelevant and the fuss over them unnecessary and puerile, it all sounded like a tear-stained letter from Summer Camp:

Hello Muddah, hello Faddah

Here I am at Camp Granada

Camp is very entertaining

and they say we’ll have some fun if it stops raining

It’s a fact that, based on the estimates of expenditure/revenues tabled weeks ago, the projected increase of estimated taxes to be collected 2022-23 over what was estimated in March 2021 is $99 billion (give or take). This was clearly based on the original estimates for 2021-22 and those for 2022-23 and was so itemised and described in 2022-23 estimates.

Let’s try that one more time for those using orange-coloured spectacles to read the numbers. The estimates for 2022-23 are $99 billion more than the 2021-22 estimates of a year ago.

The more updated Fiscal Policy Paper (FPP), also tabled in Parliament, has a different number. Under the line item “estimated tax revenues 2021-22” appears $601-odd billion upon which Nigel Clarke relies.

I went hiking with Joe Spivey.

He developed poison ivy.

You remember Leonard Skinner?

He got Ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner

As Chinese food chef Stephen Yan might exclaim, “Wok the heck!”

How can two apparently disparate results come from measuring the same thing? Elementary, my dear Watson. They don’t. The FPP clearly states: “The actual Revenue and Grant figures referenced in this FPP represent actual collections by the revenue departments/agencies up to end December 2021.” So, as always in Jamaica, it’s oranges and green pears. The 2021-22 estimates are projections for that year while the FPP includes nine months of actual collections and only three of “estimates”. It would also have taken into account supplementary estimates tabled since March 2021 which announced additional expenditure. Now where would that expenditure come from if not increased tax collection over and above original estimates?

All these documents were tabled in Parliament and available to Opposition MPs who should’ve read them and sought to reconcile any apparent discrepancies before trumpeting “run wid it” spending proposals based on incomplete research and lazy analysis.

Also, Nigel could’ve been more transparent in rebuttal with an upfront explanation of the apparent discrepancy instead of gratuitously browbeating the Opposition leader.

“Dem no ready” was harsh on this issue, especially in the absence of a clear explanation of the differing numbers.

CONFUSED MINDS

On other matters, such as a needless threat by the Opposition leader to use a Royal Visit to embarrass Jamaica and himself by putting hostile political issues to Jamaica’s guests at official welcoming functions, it’s fair to conclude “dem no ready”.

Lookie here, you either support the Royal Visit or not. You can’t support and undermine it at the same time. That exposes confused minds and convenient principles. You end up again sounding like a spoiled child fighting against phantom enemies.

All the counsellors hate the waiters

and the lake has alligators.

And the head coach wants no sissies.

So he reads to us from something called Ulysses

If you don’t support it, fine. Boycott the visit. If you feel strongly enough, join street protesters (as did Imani Duncan-Price and Paul Burke who is nothing if not consistent in his political principles) or organise them if you can. These are your fundamental rights. But don’t join the official welcome reception having threatened to mar the occasion with enmity. That’s just rude.

Take me home, oh Muddah, Faddah,

take me home, I hate Granada.

Don’t leave me out in the forest where

I might get eaten by a bear

I’ve no problem with the Royals touring the Commonwealth as a part of celebrations for Queenie’s 70th year as Monarch. No. Problem. At. All!

I’ve a BIG problem with Jamaican governments consistently kowtowing to British tradition by retaining the Queen as Jamaica’s Monarch and foisting incompatible British systems like Westminster governance (includes a “Throne Speech”, for pity’s sake) upon an allegedly independent nation. Since all Jamaican governments continued this farcical aping of and subservience to British ritual, Jamaica’s political leaders have no choice but to welcome our Queen’s grandson and his gracious wife to our shores without rancour.

Fight JLP/PNP governments all day long. Cuss dem dawg rotten. Leave William and Kate alone. They never owned a single slave. They’ve done or said nothing to suggest they support slavery. They have zero input in British Government policy. Proper channels to raise and pursue these issues are readily available.

So PM went as far as was acceptable with a soft-ball heads-up to William and Kate of Jamaica’s intention to abolish the Jamaican Monarchy.

As it turns out, without any prompting from Mark Golding, the King-in-waiting took the wind out of the Opposition leader’s sails by admitting at a State dinner “slavery was abhorrent and should never have happened”. There was never any need for a Jamaican Opposition leader to make himself a spectacle with feeble attempts to intimidate the Royal Grandson on slavery/reparations, especially as his governments persistently refused to do anything about these issues beyond farting in the wind.

THAT threat was indisputably impolite, inappropriate and impolitic.

SERVES US RIGHT

So I support the Royal Visit as I would every visit by foreign dignitaries. I don’t support UK Monarchy or its historical ties to slavery and imperialism. Similarly, I don’t support USA’s historic ties to our ancestors’ enslavement; genocide of innocent natives; continuing systemic racism; CIA interference worldwide, including in Jamaica; or irrational invasion of sovereign nations like Iraq on wild speculation and outright falsehood.

But these are friendly nations. If (God forbid) I was a Jamaican political party leader, I’d welcome any USA/UK government or UK Monarchy representative as friends. I’d let Government engage other governments on diplomatic issues according to protocol. I’d lobby MY Government to act in accordance with MY idea of principle. I’d NEVER try to appear a petulant pickney threatening to ignore existing remedies by disrupting an official hosting of national guests, especially not because I may harbour a desperate need to seek political relevance.

Take me home!

I promise I will not make noise

or mess the house with other boys.

Oh please don’t make me stay.

I’ve been here one whole day

It’s nonsensical to rail against a Royal Visit our Government could’ve avoided by simply doing the right thing decades ago. It serves us right.

Now, where was I before going off on a Royal Rant? Ah, yes, budget estimates. Folks, we are quibbling over foolishness. Estimates are estimates, nothing else. That Government estimates it’ll collect $99 billion or $65 billion more taxes doesn’t mean it’s a reality. Fiscal responsibility means we don’t return to the profligate 1990s/early 2000s by spending on vote-buying schemes money we are clueless whether we’ll ever have.

See it now, Mark? Ready to stop flailing at duppies and stay in the real world?

Wait a minute, it’s stopped hailing

Guys are swimming, guys are sailing

Playing baseball, gee that’s bettah

Muddah, Faddah kindly disregard this letter

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh was written as a novelty song in 1963 with lyrics by Allan Sherman (also the recording artist) and Lou Busch based on a real letter written to Sherman by his son Robert while attending a summer camp in Westport, New York. The melody was taken (today we’d say “sampled”) from the Opera La Gioconda by Amilcare Ponchielli. The fictional boy who “got ptomaine poisoning after dinner” inspired the name of the band Lynyrd Skynyrd.

On Sunday, March 13, while reviewing the Finance Minister’s Budget Opener, Dem tek wi fi fools (sic), I wrote;

“If Government truly wanted to buffer oil prices, it would discard the SCT or subsidise citizens’ bus, taxi, and electricity bills.”

So, like the Royal visit, I welcome with open arms and gratitude the announcement that “relief” will be properly targeted by subsidising small users’ electricity bills, however temporarily, and transportation vouchers given to those forced to use public transport. THIS is how it is done. It’s NOT done by handing out cash grants without any restriction on use or beating your chest while proposing irrational overspending that sounds wonderful in the short term (especially on a political platform) but is certain to eventually worsen the lot of the very people you say you are championing.

Let’s keep the politics out of Parliament and try for sensible, realistic, fact-based national lawmaking to promote peace, order and good government.

Peace and Love!

- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com