DOCTOR'S ADVICE: Who should she choose?

Q Doctor could you help me choose between two men? I am 34 and divorced. I feel the need to get married and settle down for life.

But there are two men who both say they love me. They both want to marry me, I think. And I cannot choose between them.

The reason I am writing to you is that they both have illnesses. And I really do not know what those illnesses mean. To be frank, Doctor, I do not want to marry a man who is dying.

So, could you explain their medical conditions to me?

The first man is around 44. He is kind and handsome. He tells me he has something called diverticulitis, but he would not discuss it with me, saying that he was "too embarrassed". Is it a form of cancer, I don't think I could cope with that.

The second is in his 50s. He is a nice man. But he has sugar, quite bad, I think. Also, he has very high cholesterol, though I do not know what that means. He has had some heart trouble, and I know his blood pressure is 250 over 150. He has to take Viagra before having sex with me.

Can you explain all these medical disorders for me, please? Which of these two men is a better bet as a husband?

A Well, obviously I cannot tell you which of these two men you should marry, or which of them would make the best husband. But I will explain their medical problems to you.

The first man, who is 44, has a very common condition called diverticultis. It is not cancer.

It is an inflammation of little pouches in the bowel. It tends to cause problems defecating, so I expect that is why he is embarrassed about it. Symptoms tend to include bouts of diarrhoea, gas and low bellyache.

Although diverticulitis can occasionally lead to complications which require surgery, most patients get along pretty well, and lead long, happy lives.

As it relates to your other boyfriend, from what you have told me, it seems as if his arteries, which are the tubes that carry blood to various parts of the body, are not in very good shape.

He has severe diabetes, and some sort of heart trouble. His cholesterol is very high, and that will tend to make the condition of his arteries worse.

The reason he has to take Viagra is probably that the arteries supplying his penis are also not in very good condition. He also has very high blood pressure which he needs to get down immediately to avoid the risk of a heart attack or a stroke. Please urge him to see his doctor right away.

Though I have explained their medical conditions, I am not saying that you should marry the healthier one.

I do not see why you should rush into marriage at the moment. You are only 34, and you never know whom you might meet next week.

Q Doctor, in the past, you have said that women do not care whether a man is well endowed. But can you promise that that is true?

I am a 36-year-old man I am hoping to get married later this year. My fiancée and I have not slept together yet and, in fact, I have every reason to believe that she is still a virgin, remarkable though that may seem!

My problem is that I have always felt that I am a little on the small side. I am pretty scared by the thought that when she sees me in bed on our wedding night, she will be disappointed. Also, I fear that I just will not have enough bulk to satisfy her.

A Well, if you are correct in thinking that she is a virgin, then probably she has had little or no experience of erect penises. Therefore, she is unlikely to be comparing you with anyone else.

Yes, it is true that most women do not care very much whether a man is large. Some are actually frightened by the notion of being penetrated by a large organ. And in fact, some of those who have a fear of large penises tend to remain virgin for many years.

Recent research by a doctor in Europe showed some interesting results. He found that there is a vast difference in what men and women think about penile size.

He discovered that over 85 per cent of wives were happy with their husbands' size. But only about 50 per cent of the men were happy with their own dimensions!

He is quoted as saying: "It may come as a surprise to men, but most women have very little interest in the size of the penis, and that has been shown in numerous studies over time."

So my guess is that your bride will be perfectly happy with you. Good luck on your marriage.

Q Doctor, I have to start taking medication for my blood pressure. Does this mean that I will lose my nature?

A No. Some pills for high blood pressure can affect a man's ability to get erections. But it is usually quite easy to solve that problem by switching to another pill.

Currently, there is no evidence that blood pressure pills have any ill-effects on the sexual function of women.

Q I am a 25-year-old and I do not have any children. Could I get fitted with a coil?

Or is it banned for women who have not had children as I have heard?

A No, the intra-uterine device (IUD) is certainly not banned for women who have never been pregnant.

However, I must warn you that in your case your womb is slightly smaller than in women who have had children. Therefore, it is a little more difficult for the doctor or nurse to put in the device. Also, the insertion tends to hurt a little more.

If you want to go ahead, then I would suggest that you visit a doctor who you know to be very experienced in these insertions.

Q I asked my wife to shave off her pubic hair, but so far she has refused.

Am I not right, Doctor, in saying that this would be more hygienic?

A No, there is nothing particularly hygienic about shaving off the pubic hair.

In the last couple of years, a lot more women have had it done. This has happened for a variety of reasons.

Some women just want it to look better. Others have been influenced by pin-up photos or pornography movies. Very often, their male partner persuades them to do it because he wants a better view of the female genitalia.

But you cannot force your wife to shave if she does not like the idea.

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