Praising amid prophecy

Ah, hello? Are we still here? Whew! The world didn't end after all. I tell you it was getting a bit uncomfortable there for a second. That small band of Christians from California who were hell-bent on convincing the world that certain doom would consume all non-believers last Saturday, sure knew how to sell a message.

Admit it. Deep down, even though you really didn't expect the series of global cataclysmic earthquakes the group had forecast, you at the very least spent a few seconds contemplating the dreaded 'what if?'

It's like when you're going through airport security and, of course, you know you have nothing stuffed down your trousers that should arouse the curiosity of the burly security officers. Yet, when they call you out of the line for some one-on-one time, you do get a bit uncomfortable. Nervous, even.

I for one am glad the end has been put off. I wasn't ready. There's still so much to do. Like learning how to tap dance, sailing across the Atlantic, and making amends to a high-school sweetheart for a slight indiscretion that was really more of a miscalculation.

Last Thursday, though, while the possibility of impending doom still lurked, a group of self-proclaimed soldiers of God gathered at Hope Gardens in St Andrew for a prayer meeting. I was not going to be left out.

"And when He calls, you will know!" shouted a tall, willowy fellow wearing a plaid shirt and white trousers. He had a deep, memorable voice and was walking back and forth as he spoke. He was surrounded by five women, all wearing long skirts and T-shirts.

"So trouble not your hearts my friends!" the man continued. "For what is to be revealed will be revealed and what is for God alone to know, so will it be!"

The women interjected here and there with spirited shouts of: "Oh, yes!" and "Amen." At times, they yelled things I didn't understand.

caught by curiosity

We were standing in the shade of a huge tree close to the pond. I say 'we' even though I was a bit off to the side. I didn't really want to interrupt. It wasn't long, though, before I was spotted.

"Come here, my brother!" the man shouted. I looked behind me, but there wasn't anyone there.

"You, man! Come here and join us, brother!" the man said again. I walked over.

"We see you are interested in what we are doing here, man. Don't be afraid to join in," the man said.

I told them it was curiosity that led me to stand watch nearby and apologised for any distraction I might have caused.

"Not at all!" said the man, his face bright. One of the women shouted, "Amen!"

She startled me somewhat and I turned instinctively to look at her. The man spoke up again.

"We are here to praise God and to be closer to His way," he said.

dead serious

I asked half-jokingly if they were getting themselves ready for the Apocalypse, chuckling as I spoke. Everyone's face went deadly serious.

"I ... ah ...," I started to say, wanting desperately to break the horrid silence.

"We do not joke about such things, brother!" the man said, his deep voice booming.

The women looked me over, one of them shaking her head slowly.

"People running around like headless fowl because some false prophet telling lies in America. Well, we know better than that," the man said before dipping into his shirt pocket and retrieving a rag which he then used to wipe his forehead.

"We not here because of no end-of-world nothing. We here because we want to give praise to the Creator," he said.

I told them it was a noble endeavour indeed, hoping to get back on their good side.

"We not saying the end of the world not coming one day, you know," said the man.

"What we saying is that no man knoweth the day nor the hour, so we must all get ourselves in order!" the man said. "Get yourself in order!"

Where should Robert gonext? Let him know at robert.lalah@gleanerjm.com.

Feedback

The following are feedback to last week's Roving with Lalah.

Dear Robert,

This is sick (funny)! The funniest is the guy from 'Branx'. This is so funny, I am cracking up. I wonder if he realised how stupid he was?

- M.B.

Dear Robert,

Big up yourself. Keep it up and never stop writing this column for the millions of us around the world. You are a godsend.

- Everton

Dear Robert,

I can't wait for Tuesdays to read your articles. Keep it up!

- Glen Allen

Dear Robert,

Just what I needed. A real good laugh.

- Pink Panther

Dear Robert,

Stories like these make you want to return home to Jamaica.

- J.H.