Let's talk life - Weeping widow

• Weeping widow

Dear Counsellor:

My husband died two months ago and I am feeling lonely. I am depressed and I wish he was here. I cry night and day. We had a good time together and had made many plans for the future.

- Marion

Dear Marion:

Death of loved ones is very painful, but get less with time. You need to have hope that you can go on with your life. Remember the good times that you shared together. It is good to keep a diary and write about your feelings every day. This will help you to express your thoughts and say what you wish. You can express your anguish and frustration at life. Death is inevitable, but it is very painful. You can also express your resentment at the person for dying and leaving you alone. There are many feelings to be expressed. Some people feel guilty because they feel that there were things left undone. Others have regrets about things left unsaid - like I love you.

Could last long

The acute stage of grieving can last for a long time. People who are not close to the deceased usually recover very quickly and process the events and move on with their lives. Accept the fact that these are early days yet and that others who are not close may wonder about your behaviour. A memory box with memorabilia is a good idea. It will help you to remember the good times that you both share.

The memories of your husband will always be with you. He may not be with you physically, but he is there in your memory. Some people in their private moments speak to the individual as if he was there. Other people write letters to the deceased expressing their feelings and thoughts.

Grieving is a natural process and people need help to cope with it. There is help available in the form of therapists.

• Help! I can't sleep!

Dear Counsellor:

Lately I have been having difficulty falling asleep and I lay awake listening to the cars passing by. In the morning I am tired and wearied. I am not able to function well at work and am seeking some answers.

- Luke

Dear Luke:

Sleep problems are common and affect millions of persons. Sleep problems can be due to the sleep-wake cycle dysfunction or secondary to medical disorders. The first order of business is to get a medical check-up. This will identify medical disorders. Commonly, anxiety and depression can cause sleep problems. If you work on shifts, you may be having a sleep-wake problem.

There are some things you can do to help you to sleep at nights. Keep a journal and write daily about negative and positive issues. Try and identify negative trends in your thought. Think of all that is happening to you. Count your blessings and give thanks to God for all his blessings. Keep your bed warm and comfortable with soft sheets and fluffy pillows. Go to bed at the same time each night. Say a prayer thanking God for his many blessings and empty your thoughts to him. Go to bed with a cheerful spirit and positive expectation of a pleasant sleep. You can keep soft music or religious songs to lull you to sleep.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.