Let's talk life - Disruptive, rude teenage daughter

Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson, Contributor

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  Disruptive, rude teenage daughter

Dear Counsellor,

My teenage daughter is very rude, disobedient and disruptive, I need help with her.

Dear Sharon,

You have a big problem on your hands, but help is available. You will have to use reward and punishment. Catch your daughter doing good things and compliment her. This will cause her to think twice about doing bad things. Children love to be praised for their actions. Children love attention, negative or positive. I know that it is difficult to compliment someone who has been rude and disrespectful at times.

With this method, you are trying to make changes to your daughter's behaviour. We call it positive reinforcement. It will work. You will have to punish bad behaviour immediately. You should withdraw privileges and activities that she likes. Tell her the rules and implement reward or punishment as the need arise. You will have to be consistent and will need to persevere. Be specific with your request and let her help you to make up the rules for the rewards and punishments.

Where is her father? Is he active in her life? Children need parent figures, biological or adopted, to help them follow the guidelines. Single parents have difficulty raising children unless they have a support system in place.

You will need to see a therapist to help you deal with the negative feelings that you have about your daughter. Sometimes one wonders about the needs of these children.

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  Tired, stressed, unfit

Dear Counsellor,

Sometimes I feel tired and worn and just want to give up on life. I feel stressed and discouraged at times. I also think that I am unfit.

Dear Abby,

Life is about stresses and how we cope. We are still in the jungle where survival of the fittest is the name of the game. We have to dodge bullets, vehicles and words on a daily basis. We need to find money to buy food, a house to sleep in and clothes to wear. Think of how the cave people survived in the past. So, as you can see, life is about stress. You will have to adapt to the stresses and survive. We all get burnout at times so each day you need to replenish your fuel, get rest and exercise. The stresses won't go away, but you will have to adapt to them.

Exercise is important as well as getting refreshing sleep. You will have to encourage yourself and reward yourself each day. Spirituality is important so you will need to have a relationship with God and pray daily. You will have to push yourself sometimes and relax at other times.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.