Try nesting for improved relationships

Heather Little-White, PhD, Contributor

As you start a new year, you and your partner may be having arguments because of irritations in your life - money matters, housekeeping tidbits and work-related stress, among others.

A new year presents an opportunity for renewal and a time when you should crave a richer feeling of home and establish more order and beauty in your relationship. Try nesting! It is a deep craving for a home that provides comfort through cosy spaces to retreat, inviting beds to cuddle up with your partner, inviting kitchens and bathrooms set for pampering and bathing together.

Your current space may be filled with clutter with very little space to rest anything and it may be in need of a makeover to replace broken furniture, dust balls and dowdy furnishings. This does not help your relationship as it does not create the love spark between both of you. Very often, one partner may deliberately stay out late so as not to be in an uncomfortable space too early in the evening.

Expressing tastes

A deep craving for an inviting home is natural, whether it is a longing for a return to your roots or a move to contemporary space. The creation of a home is critical to the success of a relationship to create a space where you can relax together and express your tastes and share the mundane moments of day-to-day life as well as celebrating the big events. Nesting means creating a serene home that is more than choosing curtains and paying the bills on time.

Personal assessment

What are your thoughts on nesting? Do you want the same outcomes as your partner? Both of you should check out your position on nesting. What do you think of when you hear the word 'home'? What events in your life evoke a strong feeling of home? Have you ever experienced homelessness? What do you consider your ideal home? Compare answers and discuss the way forward to use nesting to deepen your relationship while reinventing your home. One of the ways to move forward in building that love nest is to identify the irritants that may cause you to argue. These may include:

Messy bedrooms;

Poor lighting;

Poor operation of equipment;

Cupboard doors that do not close.

Having identified the irritants, set a realistic timetable to correct the irritants and one of you should take responsibility for getting the job done.

Spiritual base

According to Brenda Love, writing in Couples Comfort Book, a home should have a comfort centre, an expression of its soul. She suggests steps to create the spiritual centre.

1. Write a mission statement for your home.

2. Get together with your partner and all other members of the household.

3. Make a list describing the ideal mood, feeling or an attitude you wish your house to adopt. It may provide inspiration for a poem, prayer or pledge.

4. Post the statement in an ideal place in the home.

Beauty

To nourish the soul, beauty is important to feed it like the body is fed by food. Add a moment of beauty in your home through whatever medium you choose. It could be a floral arrangement, a potted plant or a painting. Beauty causes you to step outside of your practical life, arresting and inspiring you and your partner for a moment.

Your external surroundings should be appealing as well. Annual flowers should be integrated into the landscape around the house. Practise gardening as a hobby and this will give you exercise and an emotional lift and gives you a chance to slow down.

Furnishings

When purchasing furnishings for the house, ensure that they have quality of soul in that they are beautifully made and solidly constructed with fine finishes. For soft furnishings, they should also nourish your soul and can stand up over time.

Make bedroom inviting

The bedroom is the action place of your love life. Consider its privacy in relation to the rest of the house. You may want to soundproof the room by using heavy drapes, bookshelves on the wall or putting down carpeting. Is there a built-in bathroom or is one close by? Do not make a home office in the bedroom. The bed should be comfortable for both of you. You should invest in a good mattress that will not result in squeaky bedsprings.

Lighting helps to set the mood in the room. Keep scented candles and matches close by and you can attach a dimmer on the overhead light, or you can invest in bedside lamps and use coloured lights. Use fragrance and have something on which you can play music to create intimate moments.

Logistics

You have to make a deliberate effort to manage the daily inflow of items that threaten to overwhelm you. Replace books to their designated spots and use stackable baskets to place bits and pieces. Find a place to put bills out of sight once they are paid and clip items from catalogues. You can use storage boxes. Label and pack them in a hidden place in the house. Periodically, each of you should take turns to go through things that should be thrown out or given to charity if in good condition.

Nesting is a critical factor in fostering a better relationship in 2012. It is something that if you both embark on the stages in implementing it, you will find that it's enjoyable and something you can achieve together over the years while creating a lasting bond.

Send comments/feedback to heatherl@cwjamaica.com.