For some selective and total rewrites

by Daniel Thwaites

Some things are just all wrong, but others just need a partial rewrite.

Take Kartel's Cake Soap:

"Mi no love man, so tek yuh eye offah mi,

Ah fi yuh same gyal ah try affah mi,

Dem a fight fi di sweat weh ah fly offah mi."

It sell off! But then comes the bleaching rubbish that I wish he had left out.

It's a common sentiment when something's going well, but then veers off course. We don't want to change everything, but we do want a partial rewrite of the history - a slight bleaching, if you will.

So I wanted a partial rewrite when it was reported that Danville Walker was quitting representational politics. Following Clive Mullings and Andrew Gallimore, this abandonment leaves Holness struggling to steady his ship.

It seems to me that Walker would have been a trophy for either party, and even if I'm glad Bunting beat him, Central Manchester was a special contest with, unusually, two candidates with much to contribute nationally. Perhaps another constituency could be arranged, say, Central Clarendon? That situation could use a rewrite. Meanwhile, I had hoped Mr Holness' reserved Senate seat was for Walker. Apparently not.

Incidentally, when Walker says that as commissioner of customs he wielded more power and influence than most parliamentarians, this is simply the truth. The mystery is why Walker stepped down into representational politics in the first place? I think it's because some people get into politics as an extension of work they're already doing. Others simply crave status and attention, and yet others have nothing better to do and are otherwise unemployable. Perhaps a fourth category is emerging: people avoiding the Feds.

Many years ago, I led a team counting votes downtown. It was getting a little turbulent when Mr Walker stepped in. He was forceful and loud, but non-partisan and professional. He did make a gratuitous remark about dismissing all lawyers. But regarding that, Greg Christie is probably causing him to selectively rewrite his view about the occasional usefulness of the profession.

Danville! We were just getting to know you! And despite an initial setback, the stars seemed aligned for a bright future.

Holness' jeopardy

Actually, the same is true for Andrew Holness, whose elevation as a relatively young man could be a real opportunity if he finds his voice and desists from rewriting the scripts of the cold-war harpies. As the world turns and the pendulum swings (and given that Montague and Tufton lost their seats), it will one day be his time again.

In particular, prior to the last election, Holness had tentatively begun a dialogue about "bitter medicine" and fiscal discipline on the horizon. Oddly, and quite off-script, it turns out there was $1.8 billion of spending for 'bushing' in December alone. But now, as the budget is slashed, and the medicine is coming, it will be interesting to watch Mr Holness' approach.

Meanwhile, JEEP could become a small-scale welfare programme meant to dampen the effects of more substantive cuts. Unless there's a selective rewrite, it's a Niva, whereas people are crying, "Gimme de Benz JEEP mek mi gwaan drive it out, and all taxi JEEP jus' gwaan go cool out."

Beating out the truth

On another note, The Sunday Gleaner had a picture of 'Livity' Coke's massive 'buss head', shaven and stitched up. According to corrections commissioner Prendergast, Livity chose a stairwell of the Horizon Adult Remand Centre, a camera 'blind spot', to attack his guards. This is nonsense. We need a complete rewrite from Commissioner Prendergast and the JDF on this incident, explaining how soldiers will stop abusing their charges.

This is the correctional equivalent of "the police story" that "we were on patrol when we were fired upon; we returned fire; after a search we found John Public, alias 'Dogheart Gunhawk', in nearby bushes suffering from gunshot wounds before he succumbed". Few people even pretend to believe these fabrications, and it's time to dump the script.

While his brother's head is bashed, Dudus awaits sentencing. But the real story is that the families of 70-odd people killed in the May 2010 massacre have no satisfaction. Will we ever know what went on? The Emil George, QC, commission issued a useless report needing a complete rewrite. All it said was that George needed an eyebrow lawnmower so he might see and report the obvious.

Stalin supposedly remarked, "When one man dies, it is a tragedy; when thousands die, it's statistics." Is that it? The 70-odd are just statistics? And we're just cool like wi wash wi face wid de cake soap?

Daniel Thwaites is a partner of Thwaites, Lundgren & D'Arcy in New York, and currently qualifying for the Jamaican Bar. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.