HELP - My wife watches porn!

Q. Good day, Doctor, please give me your urgent advice about my wife. Last week, I found out, to my complete astonishment, that she has been accessing porn on the Internet. We are in our early 30s, and we run a successful business in Kingston. We both have computers, and she tends to spend a few hours on hers most evenings. Well, last Sunday, I wandered into her room after she had gone to the kitchen to get us both some coffee.

I was astonished to find that on her screen was an extremely blue film of a naked woman having sex with a younger man. I was really shocked by this. I sometimes watch blue movies, but I didn't think women did. My wife has always been a very respectable woman. She likes sex with me, but she has never shown any interest in other men.

Why is she doing this, Doctor? Do you think she is unsatisfied by my efforts in bed? And does she have some other lover - maybe a man who she has met on the Internet? I just cannot believe that a woman would behave like that. I have not spoken to her about this matter.

A. Well, most men find it very surprising when they hear about women watching pornography. A few years ago, I, too, would not have believed that many women would do such a thing.

But recently it has become clear that a surprising number of women watch that kind of material. Often they regard it as 'erotica' or 'romance' rather than pornography.

A lot of research into this subject has been done by Google. The popular Internet search engine has collected a vast amount of information about the browsing habits of the world. They have found that when men are at their computers, they are very liable to type in rather blunt words, such as 'porn' or 'naked'.

However, women do not do that. They tend to tap in phrases like 'adult sex', 'free sex' and 'romantic sex'.

LOVE-ORIENTED MATERIAL

In the same way that women tend to buy love-orientated novels in which the heroine meets the man of her dreams, they seem to be looking for a rather romantic type of erotic material on the Internet.

I must make it clear that at the moment, it is only a minority of women who access porn. And clearly, your wife is one of that substantial minority.

The fact that she looks at it does not mean that she has another man somewhere! Nor does it indicate that she is unsatisfied with your efforts in bed. However, it may be that she feels the need to pep up her sex life and make it more interesting.

In fact, I wonder if she really intended for you to see the sexy material on her screen? Maybe she left it switched on in the hope that you would notice it.

In any case, it is obvious to me that what you and your wife need to do at the moment is to talk about what has happened. Keeping silent about what you saw is no good to either of you.

So, my best suggestion is that you take the bull by the horns and ask her how she feels about looking at sexy material on the screen. Assuming that she answers you truthfully, then at least you will know where you stand.

There must be some way in which the two of you can be open and honest about what you are looking at on your computer. You mention that you sometimes watch such material on your computer. If that is what you want to do, then maybe you should sometimes invite her to look at them with you.

Many people disapprove of these porno flicks. But my feeling is that if a couple is watching them separately, then it would probably be better for their marriage if they watched them together.

Q. Doctor, I am a married woman with five children. Sex with my husband was great until recently, but now it seems as if there is some kind of obstruction.So I examined myself with a mirror. And it seemed like the inside of my vagina was somehow 'coming down'. What is going on?

A. You almost certainly have a prolapse. That means a 'descent' or 'falling down' of the woman, and of the walls of the vagina. It only happens in women who have had children. What you must do now is to see a gynaecologist as soon as possible. You will probably need to take an operation to return everything to normal. Good luck.

Q. Doctor, some years ago I lost one of my testicles in a terrible road accident. My sex life was OK after, but my first wife did not like the feel of my scrotum, with an empty space where the testicle should be. She said it made her feel sick. And she left me. Now I have met a wonderful woman, and would like to marry her. We have not had sex yet, and I am terrified about what she might think when she discovers that I only have one testicle. Is it true that these days you can get an artificial one?

A. Surely, your ex-wife did not leave you because you only have one testicle. That would be very strange. As to your new partner, I think it is very important that you tell her right away that you lost one of your balls in a motor vehicle accident, but that the other one is working perfectly well, and that you are normal in bed. It would not be fair to her to keep her ignorant of these facts.

In reality, I do not think that many women are very concerned about whether a man has lost a testicle, as long as everything is working fine. It is most unlikely that your injury will make her feel sick.

Yes, you can get an artificial testicle inserted. An experienced surgeon can put it in through a small opening in the scrotum. However, most of the 'replacement' testicles which I have seen are made of plastic or silicone, and are, therefore, hard and unrealistic to the touch. Also, they cost a great deal. I really doubt whether it would be worth your while to take this operation.

Q. Doctor, don't be shocked but as a very attractive businesswoman in the Corporate Area, I have two regular lovers. My question is this: for contraception, I use a discreet diaphragm. I got fitted for this in New York. But should I get myself two diaphragms, and use a separate one for each boyfriend?

A. No, there is no need to do this. But you must wash your diaphragm very thoroughly after each use. Please bear in mind that having two lovers puts you at increased risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection.