Doctor's Advice - Losing my virginity wasn't earth-shattering

Q. Dear Doc, I have recently lost my virginity. And it was not as everyone had described it. First of all, it was not as painful as I thought. Part of the time, I did not feel any pain at all.Second, I did not lose any blood whatsoever. This was a surprise. Third, I have always been told that I would enjoy it a lot. However, that was not the case. I did not enjoy it at all. I am worried that this lack of enjoyment could be a permanent thing, and will, therefore, cause a major problem in my relationships. My friends say it is because I do not truly care about the guy I did it with. That is true, but I cannot believe that was the cause of my not enjoying it. Please tell me if any of this is normal, and how I can fix things.

A. Well, I hope all young women readers who are still virgins will read your letter and learn from it.

I am afraid that you have been fooled by three of the myths which surround the subject of virginity. Unfortunately, these myths circulate endlessly among teenagers, and they do a lot of harm. Let us look at them one by one:

1. Loss of virginity is always very painful. This is not true. Research has shown that in many instances, it is not painful at all. Some girls do feel pain, but it is less if you are relaxed.

2. Loss of virginity involves a great deal of bleeding. Again, this is not the case. Many women experience slight bleeding caused from the breaking of the hymen; but many have no blood loss at all. Only in rare cases is the bleeding heavy.

3. Loss of virginity is tremendously enjoyable and thrilling. This is just nonsense! Surveys have demonstrated that in many young women, it is a big disappointment. They don't enjoy it very much and wonder what on earth all the fuss was about!

Nothing wrong with you

So there is nothing wrong with you. And you don't need to 'fix' anything. You are normal!

As I have said before in this column, most young women don't really enjoy intercourse much to start with. It often takes them several years before they really grow to appreciate it.

Furthermore, few women experience orgasm when they lose their virginity. Becoming orgasmic usually takes quite a while to learn.

I hope you will feel reassured by the information I have given you, and I suggest you pass it on to your friends.

Two final points. First, you seem to have had sex with a guy who you didn't truly care about. That is not a good idea.

Second, I hope that when you have sex again, you will only practise safe sex. Please do not expose yourself to the risks of pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, or indeed, cervical cancer, which is mainly caused from a virus transmitted during unprotected sex. In other words, insist on a condom.

Q. I am a young guy. What are the side effects of doing penis enlargement, Doc?

A.  Please understand that there is no method of enlarging the penis apart from major surgery. I suspect that you are talking about some form of alleged penis-enhancing device, which you have read about on the Internet. If so, I assure you that these things will not work. Don't waste your money on them.

However, I think it is possible that when you say 'doing penis enlargement,' you are talking about the activity called jelqing. Quite a few younger men have heard about this process of jelqing and go in for it regularly. It is a technique of 'milking' the penis with the hand in order to try and stretch it.

There are sites on the Internet which proclaim: "Yes, jelqing does work!" But I know of absolutely no medical evidence that it does.

Does it have any side effects? Well, a few doctors have posted reports saying that jelqing can cause pain and excessive stretching of the penile tissues. I have not seen such effects, but it does seem to be undeniable that a few guys get something called 'the baseball bat syndrome.' This is a condition in which the end of the penis widens while the part nearer your body thins. I don't think that is something that most males would want.

Q. Doc, what is the best treatment for yeast?

A Generally, you should use cream and pessaries (vaginal tablets) containing a medication called clotrimazole for a week or so. If possible, your sex partner should use the cream, too.

Q. I am 18, and I have some tiny white spots around the head of my penis. Is this serious, Doc? I have never had sex.

A I would like you to get a doctor to have a quick look at these spots, but statistically, they are most likely to be just milia.

You can look this word up on the Internet if you wish. Vast numbers of young males have milia, which are tiny white bumps thought to be caused by blocked pores. Generally, they are around one millimetre across. They are totally harmless and do not need any treatment.

Q. I am getting very bad pre-menstrual tension (PMT) doctor. Would hormone treatment help me?

A Very possibly. Many remedies have been tried for PMT over the years, but few of them have proved to be of much use. However, a carefully prescribed hormone preparation could flatten out the peaks and troughs of your hormonal cycle and make you feel a lot better during those pre-menstrual days. It's worth noting that statistics have shown that the Pill is often associated with a marked reduction in PMT symptoms.

Q. My girlfriend and I are both 21. She is willing to give me oral sex, but she refuses point-blank to swallow my ejaculate. I think that that is hurtful! Is there any way I could persuade her that this would be the right thing to do? At present, I am feeling rejected.

A Tough! Why do you think that you are entitled to insist that a young woman should swallow your sex fluid? Although some women are willing to do this, a great many are not. Semen does not taste particularly nice, and it is scarcely surprising that your girlfriend does not wish to swallow it. Please respect her wishes.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.