Doctor's Advice: Help, I'm scared of girls!

Q: Doc, could you give me some advice on how a male loses his virginity? I am a guy of 19, and I have always been very shy of women. Don't get me wrong, Doctor! I really like them, but I am a little scared of them and not good at talking with them. So up till now, I have never had sex with anyone. In fact, to be honest, I have never even had a date with a girl. But I have met a lovely young lady, just a year older than I am. She has been very friendly to me, and she told me that she liked me. In fact, she has more or less asked me out on a date next week! I am looking forward to this; however, what is making me fret is this. Suppose things proceed to sex? Doc, what on earth should I do? You see, I have no idea how to go about penetrating a woman. Is it easy? Is it painful? Would it be obvious that I don't know what I am doing?

A: Well, it is clear that you are a very shy, naïve guy who apparently knows almost nothing about women, or about sex.

Frankly, I think it is a good thing that this nice young lady has asked you out. From her, you can start to learn a lot about what females are like and how they think.

Please do not assume that this date is automatically going to lead to sex. I don't think that is too likely. Why not just set out to give her a good time, enjoy a nice chat with her, and maybe kiss her? There is very little doubt that she would allow you to do that. And you clearly have a lot to learn about the fairly complex art of kissing!

It is likely that at sometime in the future, this girl or another girl will invite you to have sex. But please don't rush into that. It is not compulsory!

At that time, you should just take matters slowly and gently. Please make absolutely sure that one or other of you is using a safe contraception such as a condom or the Pill.

Yes, it would be pretty obvious to any reasonably aware woman that you have not 'done it' before, but many females actually like that in a young guy and relish the thought of initiating him into sex.

I can reassure you that penetration of the female IS very easy. Some people would say that it is much too easy!

As it relates to your other question, first, sex is not painful. It's very rare for young guys to complain of pain during intercourse.

Finally, I feel that as far as the date is concerned, you should just play things slowly, see what happens, and enjoy yourself. You are very lucky that such a nice young woman has asked you out.

Q: I heard that there is some kind of contraceptive ring that a girl can put inside her vagina, but doesn't it get in the way when you have sex?

A: The vaginal contraceptive ring, known as the NuvaRing, is a pretty good method of preventing pregnancy. It contains two hormones just like the Pill. The idea is that you keep it in your vagina for three weeks out of every four.

Rather surprisingly, the NuvaRing doesn't seem to get in the way much during sex. It is possible that your partner might accidentally pull it out, but if that happened, all you would have to do is to put it straight back inside.

Warning: do not use the NuvaRing if you have any risk factors of thrombosis (clotting). Any doctor can advise you on what the risk factors are.

Q: I am a guy of 21, and I have developed a strange lump in my right groin. It comes and goes, Doc. Is this caused from sex? I have been with quite a few girls in the last year.

A: Lumps in the groin can sometimes be due to unusual types of sexually transmitted infections. However, statistically, the commonest reason for a bulge in this area is a hernia - also known as a rupture. It has nothing to do with sex.

A hernia is a lump caused from a weakness in the wall of the belly. Typically, the lump comes and goes, just like yours.

It's time now to see a doctor and have him examine you. He will be able to tell you if this is a hernia. If it is, then you will need to have a small operation.

Email questions to Doc at saturdaylife@gleanerjm.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.