Let's Talk Life - Resenting advice

• Resenting advice

Dear Counsellor,

I am a new mother and I am getting a lot of unsolicited advice from strangers. Sometimes I am annoyed, and at other times, I just laugh at the situation. Since pregnancy, people have been giving me advice and sometimes I resent it.

- Joy

Dear Joy,

Unsolicited advice comes with the territory of pregnancy and motherhood. You don't have to listen or do what they say. Taking care of a baby is plenty of work. You will need assistance in looking after the baby and doing house chores. Your spouse should help you to look after the baby and the housework.

Get as much rest as you can. At this time, chances are you won't be able to get a good night's sleep, so settle for all the sleep you can get. Nap when your baby does. Even if you can't sleep, lie down and put your feet up for a rest.

Eat well. You may not be getting much sleep, so it's vital to make it up to your body and immune system with a well-balanced diet and lots of water. Cooking won't be high on your list of priorities right now, so stock up on salads, nutritious-ready meals, fruits, and highly nutritional snacks such as nuts and dried fruits that you can nibble on throughout the day.

Don't keep negative feelings to yourself. Share them with your spouse, healthcare professional, your mother, and your sister, a friend - whoever you can trust to listen and understand. If the normal sadness most moms feel during the first few days after the baby's birth haven't gone away, it is really important to speak to someone.

Take walks with your baby. A walk in the pram will almost certainly lull her off to sleep. A walk will boost your energy levels and the production of feel-good hormones.

New motherhood can be an isolating experience, especially after all of the visitors of the first few weeks have gone. Take every opportunity to meet other moms with new babies.

• Not getting along well

Dear Counsellor,

I am not getting along well with my spouse. We quarrel a lot and cannot seem to agree on anything. We have been together for many years, but the conflicts are getting worse.

- Kelly

Dear Kelly,

Relationships are challenging issues. A couple will always be in conflict because they are two different individuals. Each person has his dreams, expectations, wishes, and ideas about how things should be. The needs and wants are different. Sometimes individuals get irritable and dump on their partners. You will have to agree that you are two different persons. After a while, partners start to take each other for granted and grow out of love. Relationships are hard work. You have to work daily to keep the love, the peace and the joy in the relationship.

Forgiveness of self and partner is very important. You will have to always forgive because humans hurt one another.

Seeing a counsellor is a good idea as you will be able to look at the issues unique to both of you.

There are attachment, separation, and obsession and compulsion issues in relationships. It is as such that two become one and they learn to depend on each other. Bonds are not easily broken and relationships can be a hot bed of fire.

Look at the strengths and weaknesses in the relationship and celebrate good times.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.