Rules without rhyme or reason

André Wright, Opinion Editor

In 4500 BC, two priestesses trekked up the steep and misty hill of Sinai. And Stiffneckus Principalis spoke from amid the sulphurous fog, saying, "I am he which hath brought thee out of the land of freedom into the house of bondage.

These are the words you shall impart to my people, especially those filled with the demonic sins of pride, ambition and excellence."

Thou shalt have no other school before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image of CSEC passes, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or the earth beneath, or in the water under the earth.

Thou shalt not bow down thyself to false teachers of extra classes who say you can achieve excellence before I anoint you: for I Stiffneckus Principalis am a jealous deity, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that obey me, and keep my School Rule Handbook Commandments.

Thou shalt not take the name of Stiffneckus in vain; for I will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

Remember the fifth-form exam day, to keep it holy.

Four years shalt thou labour, and do all thy tests and, later, SBAs.

But the fifth year is the special time of Stiffneckus; before it thou shalt not do any CSEC exam, thou, nor thy bright sister, nor thy bright brother, thy next-door neighbour, nor thy father's matie's pickney, nor thy puss, nor thy dog:

For in four years Stiffneckus built the school and its traditions, the Rule Handbook and all that is therein, and drop lick for grade ones in the fifth year: wherefore Stiffneckus blessed the fifth year, and hallowed it.

Honour thy headmaster and headmistress: that thy days may be long upon the land and that thou mightest get the piece of paper and march down the aisle with classmates, which Stiffneckus giveth thee.

Thou shalt not take CSEC in first form to fourth form.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy principal that the Rule Handbook is not the highest authority in the land.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's mathematics, nor thy neighbour's English, nor his chemistry, nor her biology, nor her physics, nor his accounts, nor her principles of business, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

That's the passage many of you missed in leafing through your school handbook.

What many parents and students mistakenly believe is that schools' primary goal is to empower their clients, the students, to become academically and technically talented to build the economy. Wrong! Many schools still operate on the basis of themselves as the axis of importance and as part of a mechanical, bureaucratic leviathan programmed to do things their way.

Robotic administrator

Whenever someone with half a brain challenges the sacred tome called the school's rule handbook, a robotic administrator goes into the cellar and dusts off the Dead Sea Scrolls to cite a supposedly timeless truth. Of course, when stripped naked for the illogic that it is, Stiffneckus' apostles declare, "That's just the way we do things here. It's in the handbook."

Even the Bible had amendments via the New Testament. Even the Constitution of Jamaica has amendments, the Charter of Rights most notable recently. But no, the rule handbook - line upon line, precept upon precept - must not be questioned. It's deeply entrenched! No simple majority can change it!

Administrators of schools like Glenmuir High and St Andrew High, among many others, need to get off their high horses and serve their clients - especially bright ones, who can be their best ambassadors. Other institutions such as Mt Alvernia and Herbert Morrison have facilitated in-school early sittings of subjects ranging from POB and English to TD and social studies. The country must not punish achievement and excellence, as reflected in the psychological torture of LeAnn Ebony Lewis for the temerity of scoring a grade one in CSEC English at 12 years old. LeAnn won't be forced to resit the exam, but she will be barred from the graduation ceremony, which holds sentimental value for parents, relatives and children. Meanwhile, thousands of students islandwide who have only 'passed their place' will have the graduation ceremony thrill.

"The school rule is that if you don't sit English and math in your fifth-form year, you cannot graduate," says Glenmuir's Monacia Williams. And that's that.

This was the same kind of lame logic propagated by St Andrew High principal Sharon Reid last year.

We all know that the fundamental basis for some principals' myopic stubbornness is for the statistical accomplishment of claiming academic glory for the school. So much for 'headucation'.

And you patriots really wonder why people take their 'talented' children to Canada?

Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.