Lessons from Mandela's love life

By Devon Dick

Recently, before a football game, a friend was adamant that Man-dela did not treat Winnie, his ex-wife, properly because he left nothing in his will for her. I countered by telling him that Mandela did not leave anything for his widow either, but he left something for Winnie's children and his stepchildren. My friend further claimed that Mandela forgave Caucasian South Afri-cans who imprisoned him and killed many South Africans but he could not forgive Winnie for allegations of infidelity and violence.

Mandela's love life history is further complicated with the claims that two 60-odd-year-old ladies, Onica Mothoa and Mpho Pule, are his love children, and that they need to be recognised as such, though not wanting any 'dead lef'. They reportedly made attempts to meet with Mandela while he was alive. They were supposedly born during Man-dela's tempestuous marriage to Mase. The couple divorced in 1958, after Mandela was accused of adultery.

rich legacy

Mandela, who became presi-dent in South Africa's first free and fair elections in 1994, died December 5 at the age of 95. Mpho predeceased Mandela. Mandela's rich legacy is being affected by his love life. Mandela is being judged by the way he treated his wife and his supposedly other children. It does not matter that Mandela is regarded as one of the greatest human beings of our lifetime, he is being evaluated by some, based on his love life. There is a relationship between one's love life and one's profess-ional life.

Adultery is a serious offence. When a married man has voluntary sexual intercourse with a woman to whom he is not married, then serious complications can occur. Proverbs 6 states: "He who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself."

To practise adultery shows a lack of wisdom and a behaviour more befitting lower animals. To commit adultery is to be controlled by lust rather than motivated by sacrificial love. Adultery shows a lack of moral principle and discretion. It is to satisfy an illegitimate desire. It is akin to stealing from someone else. It is usually motivated by envy of the rights of someone else. It can cause untold hurts and it gets even more com-plicated when children are the product of this illicit union. It gets worse when the child cannot be told who is the true father.

Glamorising adultery

Adultery is not cute. Adultery should not be glamorised. It is not harmless sex. It breaks down trust, which is the basis of relationships and orderly societal arrangements. Whenever vows can be disregarded and the feelings of those closest to us trampled upon, then it is the end of a satisfying relationship.

It is alleged that Jamaica suffers from men in high society who do not ack-nowledge their children. Many children suffer because they are considered to be 'jackets'. They suffer from an identity crisis. They are therefore confused about what ought to be their purpose in society. It is a search for who we are. It is an awful feeling to have uncertainty about one's paternity. Persons with identity crisis may get involved in crime, drugs or the inability to make proper choices. When one has a strong sense of identity then one faces adulthood with confidence.

People have a right to know their fathers. We all want to know who we are. It can help when we recognise that we are all members of the human race and we are made in the image of God. It can help if we recognise that our purpose in God is to glorify Him and love our neighbours as ourselves.

Let this Valentine's Day be a time to reflect on proper and responsible practices in our love lives. Consider the impact on our legacy.

Rev Devon Dick is pastor of the Boulevard Baptist Church in St Andrew. He is author of 'The Cross and the Machete', and 'Rebellion to Riot'. Send feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.