Going for a happier, healthier, wealthier Jamaica

Anthony Gambrill, Contributor

Aren't you a little tired of hearing that we have no growth in this country? Crime is a major growth industry surely. Whether it's making illegal electricity connections that cost JPS (read: existing JPS customers) US$75 million last year or allegedly dismembering a gang member for losing two guns, there's no doubt that crime is booming.

Extrajudicial killings are bouncing along nicely. And once it is decided who is to get a piece of the pie when the casino licences are issued, the electricity-generating contract is signed, Caymanas Park racetrack is divested and Goat Island gets the go-ahead, there may well be fresh indications that corruption is thriving.

Take praedial larceny. It's growing so rapidly that soon, the perpetrators will form a trade association so they can demand the police stop harassing them. Even the Rastas have let us know they will "take to the streets and turn Jamaica upside down" if an official licence to grow and sell ganja isn't given exclusively to them. But more of this anon.

Even the kids are under threat for doing what comes naturally. Having been berated for having sex on Coasters and in the South Odeon bus terminal, they are now being targeted, according to The Gleaner, for "acting like them is in a hotel" in the refurbished St William Grant Park in downtown Kingston. According to one KSAC employee, "The police dem do a good job, but the pickney dem bad." Can we expect imminent arrests? Yet, ironically, The Gleaner, in its same Sunday edition, ran a feature listing six reasons to have sex. To paraphrase the article, if we prevent teenage sex, the youngsters are going to (1) be unable to fight colds and flu, (2) miss out on having glowing skin, (3) not have the chance to burn calories (four calories per minute), (4) increase endomorphines which deflect headaches, and a couple of other benefits perhaps more advantageous to adults.

Jamaica could move higher

Oh, yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel which, for once, might not be a train heading our way. The decriminalisation of ganja holds out hope for a happier, healthier, wealthier Jamaica. Those optimists who hope to persuade our farmers to grow corn, cotton, ginger, cassava, ornamental fish and bamboo should switch their efforts to cannabis.

Let's start out by giving thanks to our East Indian brothers who brought it here (as well as its Hindu appellation 'ganja'), along with curried goat, tamarind trees and Tata buses. Ganja has relieved the hardship and monotony of cane cutting for generations. Its importance to the Rastafarians' culture is well-known, and it has more recently fuelled the popular music industry. Like it or not, the name Bob Marley is synonymous with the weed in the world. Now we have 'the ganja lobby', made up of a variety of organisations with unmemorable names. Ironically, in February, the ganja growers' association advised its members not to start cultivation "until the legal green light is given". A flight over Jamaica in a small plane would show them that the association has rather a lot of potential members who have been busily cultivating large plots long before their announcement. The lobby is proposing that only plots of less than an acre be legalised to prevent big business hogging the windfall. Too late. Big business, albeit not members of the Commerce, has been cashing in for years.

Of course, the more we indulge in theorising, consulting and debating, the longer it will take to decriminalise cannabis. Recreational use aside, we are at risk of losing the advantage of the important research we have done in Jamaica for employing medical marijuana. Come to think of it, if we could bottle bureaucracy and find a market for it, we would quickly become the world's largest supplier.

The Americans have many very active lobbies for decriminalising cannabis. Having been warned by The Sunday Gleaner's Ian Boyne not to be distracted by "the US$140-billion global ganja business" and overlook the negative effects of the weed, I checked one of the American Internet sites. The three positives it cites are as follows: there is a lower risk of dependence on ganja than for nicotine and alcohol; criminal laws do not deter ganja smoking; decriminalisation does not lead to greater use.

Rest assured, Boyne

Mind you, Mr Boyne's primary concern is the dangerous implications a spliff can have on evolving young minds. Now all we need to do is get the kids to refrain from trying the weed until they are in their 20s and stick to safe sex, whether it's in a Coaster bus, transport terminal or St William Grant Park.

Of course, what is in the back of our parliamentarians' minds is the likely disapproval of the United States (US) government. I can assure you the latter will not be so concerned with the good Jamaican stuff harming their voters. No, I believe the US marijuana growers will successfully lobby to keep our good stuff out. Which leads me to imagine the following scene at the US Immigration Department in Kingston:

The scene: the US consular office

JAM: I would like to go and visit my mother in Brooklyn.

USA: What is the purpose of your travel?

JAM: She is ill. She has some American diseases - sleep deprivation, acid reflux, COPD, overactive bladder, erectile dysfunction ... .

USA: Enough. What is your occupation?

JAM: Small farmer, sir.

USA: Do you grow marijuana?

JAM: Pardon, please?

USA: Marijuana, what you people call ganja.

JAM: I don't think so, sir. I have a few banana and red peas and skellion and pak choi. But the goats and the praedial arsonists nyam the pak choi most of the time.

USA: You don't think so?

JAM: Don't think what?

USA: Don't think you grow mari ... er ... ganja.

JAM: Well, there's a little patch of land near mi neighbours and ... .

USA: Hmmm. Do you listen to Bob Marley's music?

JAM: Oh, yes, sir. Plenty time and Peter Tosh, too.

USA: Did you vote for Michael Manley in 1972?

JAM: (enthusiastically) Oh, yes, sir, better mus' come.

USA: That does it.Visa denied.

JAM: But what about my mother? She may soon be in transition.

USA: There's no doubt about that. She'll be deported in a couple of days.

JAM: For what, sir?

USA: We have her down here for not paying a parking fine in 1978. What's more, she's the mother of a ganja farmer.

Anthony Gambrill is a playwright. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.