Monkey see, monkey do

Jody-Anne Lawrence, Lifestyle Writer

African-American social reformer, orator, and writer Frederick Douglass said, "It is easier to build children than to repair broken men." Since children are like sponges that soak up everything that adults do, we should be careful because we could be raising a nation of broken men.

Just a few generations ago, there were certain things that adults did not discuss before children. Now it is evident that we have come a far way from "children should be seen and not heard". So are today's children overexposed?

Psychologist Doneisha Burke believes that though parents should communicate openly with their children, they should be very careful what they do in front of them. "There is a form of learning called observational learning. In layman's terms, you can say 'monkey see, monkey do', and that is what children do. They learn best by observing. When they are young, they don't know the difference between right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate. So if you want a child to be respectful, you should watch how you speak to them. You should also be careful how you interact as parents before children," Burke explained.

She noted that, when a child is surrounded by a certain behaviour, it becomes a part of them and thus it is important to live according to how we would like our children to behave.

Access information

Being careful of how you behave in front of your children does not mean that you leave your children in the dark. There are several ways in which children can access information such as pornography or inappropriate behaviour outside of the home. Now while they can monitor them, it will not always be so easy, depending on the age group.

"When they are younger, you can put time limits and codes on the television. With teens and adolescents, you can still put codes on the computer to bar certain websites as well as make yourself present while they surf the Internet. But there will still be ways that they might be able to access the information," Burke points out.

With this being said, it is important for parents to speak to their children appropriately so that they are able to protect themselves.

"The first thing that a parent needs to understand is that educating the child about a topic is not encouraging the child to go out there and do what you are trying to protect them against. Education makes them aware. So you need to talk to your children and speak to them in the way that they will understand, but give them age-appropriate information. It is OK to say the anatomically correct names for their bodies parts," Burke explains. She further explained that the figurative names that parents use instead of penis and vagina might confuse younger children instead of assisting them.

"I know that some parents consider it taboo to speak about certain things with their children. However, they need to learn it. You can't expect them to know without communicating it to them. Communication is key when it comes to parenting," Burke mentioned.

While communication is essential, it has to be coupled with living examples. Children mimic the actions of their parents as much and, in some cases, even more than they listen. So be careful what you do.