Letter of the Day | Fathers have rights too

THE EDITOR, Madam:

For decades, men have lamented that the family court in this country favours women and mothers, often at the expense of fathers’ rights. Legal professionals and those invested in preserving the integrity of the court will dispute this claim to prevent an erosion of public trust in this institution. Despite this, it continues to be the lived reality of many men and fathers – including me.

During a recent court hearing for sole custody, I stated that given the circumstances, I believe I am best suited to care for my son. At that point, the female judge loudly rebuked me, “Are you his mother?!” I instantly lost all respect for her. Her crass outburst was not only unprofessional but also a glaring display of judicial bias – one rooted in the false and antiquated notion that mothers are inherently better caregivers than fathers.

In response to such sentiments, many fathers have quipped: If women are inherently better at raising children, then why are there rising levels of delinquency, crime,and immorality among our youth? What values are truly being imparted? While it would be unfair to place blame solely on women for the state of our nation, it does raise important questions regarding the balance of parental influence on successful child upbringing.

I am not here to argue that, but I can say with certainty that men are far more emotional, generous, caring, and responsible than many women care to believe. This is discussed in a TED Talk titled ‘We need to change the conversation about fathers’, which explores the many ways men are uniquely equipped for parenthood and the nurturing characteristics they exhibit towards their child.

To that biased judge, it is true – men are not monsters. We are generally hard working, dedicated, and purposeful individuals, who dream of seeing our children grow up and thrive. We take pride in teaching them how to be brave, how to protect themselves, how to strive to attain goals, and how to be honest, upstanding citizens. We also love when our sincere efforts towards our families are appreciated. The so-called insensitivity that you perceive in men is, perhaps, a consequence of your perpetuation of unfair and inaccurate stereotypes.

It is for this reason, as enshrined in the Children (Guardianship and Custody) Act, that fathers believe we have an equal right to custody of our sons and daughters. Having experienced judicial bias myself, I have concluded that the greatest hurdle a father faces in the Family Court is not proving his ability to parent but the fact that he is, first and foremost, a man. Judges must learn to recuse themselves from cases in which they may be biased and consider whether they belong in the legal profession at all, otherwise the integrity of the Family Court will forever be in question.

DISTRESSED FATHER

Manchester