Q. I have a problem with my 20-year-old daughter.I have raised her alone from birth. Her father abandoned her from he discovered I was pregnant.
I have devoted all my time, energy and financial resources as a single mother. She went to the best prep school and a prominent all-girls' traditional high school.She did well in her external examinations and is now a first-year student at university.She lives with me at home and I bought her a car.
I have not been in another relationship with another man after that first mistake.We have bonded well as mother and daughter. She knows of the struggles we have been through, to reach this far.And, she has been my best friend.
We are like sisters because I am only 19 years older than her.I am a successful business woman.We do everything together including going to supermarket, movies, plays and even parties.We take an annual vacation together and we have a whale of a time.Sometimes, we even go overseas on vacation.However, in the final year of high school, she was changing and started to spend a lot of time with some girlfriends and began coming home late.
Now, she is taken up with this boy at university and comes home after midnight. She is alone when coming home and this guy does not care. I am losing her as a best friend for a fellow who does not mean her any good.How can I put some sense into her head?
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A Congratulations on being a successful single mother and businesswoman.You have done remarkably well after being disappointed in your intimate relationship at such a young age.Obviously, you were ambitious, hardworking and determined to handle both a business and a daughter successfully.
It is also good that you had such a good relationship with your daughter and that you are also best friends.Nevertheless, you need to expect she will want to have other friends as she grows older and is exposed to different persons.
She is now at university and will meet many males.You need to give her space to develop healthy relationships with persons of the opposite sex.She may make mistakes, but assure her you will always be there for her.
You should not behave as if you own your daughter or that she owes you because you have given her a good start in life and have even given her a car.
Do not spoil the wonderful relationship you have with her.Do not be like a cow, who after giving milk, decides to kick over the pail with the milk in it.You have to share her with both female and male friends.
It is quite appropriate to have curfews for your daughter, since she is living under your roof. You must ensure to let her understand that you are interested in her security why you want her to reach home safely.And, do not use the anxiety over her security to prevent her from going out or as an excuse to get rid of this guy.Perhaps, you should invite her male friend to your house and have a talk with him about your concerns about her lateness driving on the road alone.
Finally, you must appreciate she might one day get married and start a family.This does not detract from the relationship you have.In fact, it honours you as a mother that you have helped in her development that she could become a lover and a parent.You will always be her mother and do not do anything to hurt the friendship.Just encourage hurt to develop good relationships and to do well at university.
Contact the counsellor at editor@gleanerjm.com.
