I have herpes & my man is shunning me

Hello doctor,

About two weeks ago, I received the results of my blood test. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man for over a year. We always use a condom but on one occasion the condom burst. Now I tested positive for herpes 2. I am devastated.

I love this man with my whole heart. We wanted to have a child so that is why I went to do a blood test. I told him about the results and he hasn't been himself since. He hasn't called me for over a week now. Whenever we speak, I am the one who calls him and he is behaving as if he doesn't want to talk to me. This is driving me crazy. He hasn't done the test as yet so I am wondering why he would be pulling away from me. I really need your advice about what to do or say to him.

Dear Reader,

Thank you for sharing your obviously painful predicament. I congratulate you on being honest with your partner. Unfortunately, having a positive blood test for herpes 2 (HSV-2) is a problem that many women face. Studies show that about 26 per cent of women over the age of 12 have antibodies in their blood.

Although having intercourse below the age of 17 and or having multiple sexual partners are risks factors for having HSV-2, many women without these risk factors may have a positive test. In fact, almost 75 per cent of women do not recognise their first infection with herpes.

If a woman is infected with HSV-2 for the first time, she may have flu-like symptoms such as headache, fever, loss of appetite and weakness. She may also have eruptions (vesicles) which usually appear about six days after sexual contact and may last six weeks. These eruptions can be very painful. The medications available in Jamaica to treat the infection are acyclovir (Zovirax) and valacyclovir (Valtrex).

Isolated and anxious

If your partner does not have herpes, you can significantly reduce his risk of getting herpes by taking the treatment daily. You should also wear condoms with intercourse.

As it is in your case, herpes is a distressing diagnosis for many women. You may feel lonely, isolated and anxious. It can affect your self esteem. Some women are afraid to become involved in new relationships. Some women experience depression which worsens with each outbreak.

Although I cannot explain your partner's actions, I recommend that you seek counselling from your physician to cope with your diagnosis. You may also find some helpful information online, for example, the International Herpes Management Forum http://www.ihmf.org/Patient/ PatientResources.asp.

Let me also assure you that many women with herpes are in loving relationships and that you can still have healthy children even with your diagnosis since your risk of transmitting herpes to a baby is extremely low.

Dr Monique Rainford is a consulting obstetrician and gynaecologist; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.