My lover has herpes!

Dear Dr Rainford,

I met a woman who I find very interesting. She revealed that she has had herpes since high school and she is now in her 30s. We've yet to become intimate. This is kind of putting a damper on going forward. I feel like a coward but at the same time, if it doesn't work out then I may be stuck with an incurable disease. I guess what I'm saying is, I've been going back and forth in my head.

If my best friend were to tell me they had the same situation, I'd tell them to keep it moving. But here's the situation in my lap and I'm stuck pondering over the proper decision. How do I protect myself and still maintain a healthy relationship with her? Are we able to have oral sex? Am I a coward if I leave or am I more of a man if I stay, or just a foolish man? I know life and relationships are all gambles but I'm just asking for a little guidance!

Dear Reader,

Thank you for sharing this question. I believe your courage can potentially help many others. First of all, I would like to congratulate your friend on her honesty. Many women may not have revealed this even after being intimate with someone. It is a common infection affecting millions of people in the United States (US). It is likely that many Jamaican men are also infected but are unaware since some US statistics suggest that only 10-25 per cent of those testing positive for herpes type 2 (HSV-2) realise that they have genital herpes.

Daily antiviral treatment

You could consider getting tested for HSV-2 which, I assume, is the type that your friend carries. Testing can be done via a blood test for HSV-2 IGG at any reputable lab. The IGG are the antibodies that remain positive after someone has been infected. If you are not infected but decide to have an intimate relationship with your friend, she can take daily antiviral treatment to reduce her risk of infecting you. It might also reassure you to know that women are less likely to infect men than men are to infect women.

Other techniques that you can employ to reduce your risk are avoiding sexual intimacy when your friend has an outbreak and using condoms with sex. Each of these strategies will reduce your risk, and combining them will reduce your risk of infection even further.

What about oral sex?

You also asked about oral sex. Unfortunately, many people acquired genital herpes through this route. This generally occurs when HSV-1, the herpes type that causes 'cold sores' (on the mouth) is transmitted to the genital area. However, the genital disease it causes tends to be milder than that caused by HSV-2. It is very unlikely for HSV 2 to infect the mouth, but not impossible.

I certainly do not think that it is unnatural or cowardly for you to be concerned about your risk. I only hope that this advice will guide you in making the right decision for your relationship.

Dr Monique Rainford is a consulting obstetrician and gynaecologist; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.