Family tension stresses out children

Family problems are the most common causes of stress in children. Conflict between parents, separation of parents and divorce top the list. Sometimes parents drag the children into the conflict, force them to take sides, or use them to get back at each other.

Parents should protect their children from their conflicts and allow the child to still love both of them as this is important to the child's development.

Physical abuse

Other areas of family stress for children include physical, emotional and sexual abuse. Migration of a parent can also be devastating for children as they may feel rejected and abandoned. Parents who have migrated should maintain frequent contact with their children and offer constant reassurance and expressions of love.

Children need a lot of love and reassurance from parents. Children living in homes where love and affection are not displayed may develop emotional problems.

Identifying the problem

How do we know when children are undergoing stress?

Sometimes it is difficult to identify, as children do not communicate as well as adults. They also do not show the classical features of an illness, causing the stress to often go undetected.

Children who are stressed may display a change in behaviour. For example, a child who used to be active and involved may suddenly become withdrawn and quiet, or a well-behaved child may suddenly start to display aggressive and disruptive behaviours. Other children may display a decline in their school performance, or regressive behaviour such as clinging to others.

A child who may be experiencing abuse such as sexual abuse may suddenly appear fearful and anxious. Children who are sexually abused often feel unsafe, as the abuser usually threatens their lives and that of their loved ones.

Deal with your child's stress

If you notice a change in your child's behaviour:

1. Be calm and reassure your child that you love him or her. Tell him or her that you care and want to help.

2. Do not pressure your child to talk. Sometimes parents become very abusive out of frustration because the child will not talk about their problems. However, the child may not be comfortable talking to you as a parent. In these circumstances you should seek professional help.

3. Be certain that the helping professional is competent. Unfortunately, there are many people practising in our communities without the appropriate training to deal with children. It is important that as a parent you check the credentials of professional working with your child.

Dr Wendel Abel is a consultant psychiatrist and head, Section of Psychiatry, Dept. Of Community Health and Psychiatry, University of the West Indies, 977-1108; email: yourhealth@gleanerjm.com.