Your money habits look a lot like your relationship patterns

Money, like relationships, reflects our patterns. How we save, invest, spend, avoid, or overextend often mirrors how we show up emotionally, especially in our 30s, when financial decisions carry more weight.

We’re quick to talk about love languages, attachment styles and red flags in dating, but rarely apply the same lens to money, even though it plays a role in some of our biggest stress points.

One thing I’ve noticed over the years as a personal finance educator is that most money problems aren’t actually about income or discipline. They’re about behaviour. Whether it’s avoidance, over-giving, poor boundaries or commitment issues, we tend to bring the same habits into our finances that we bring into our relationships, whether we realise it or not.

Here are some of the most common money relationship styles and how to navigate them more intentionally.

FINANCIAL AVOIDANCE

You know that urge to ghost someone you’re dating the moment things start getting serious? That same instinct shows up with money.

Financial avoidance looks like “I’ll deal with it later”. It shows up when people don’t check their balances, ignore statements, delay budgeting, or avoid conversations about debt altogether. It’s the financial equivalent of leaving messages on read and hoping the situation resolves itself without confrontation.

How to navigate it: Start with exposure, not perfection. Pick one non-negotiable money check-in per week, even if it’s just 10 minutes. Avoidance thrives in silence; consistency creates safety. The goal isn’t to fix everything at once; it’s to stop pretending nothing is happening.

OVER-GIVING

Always going above and beyond and always paying, always stretching yourself, even when it’s costing you, that’s over-giving, and it shows up in money the same way it does in relationships.

Financial over-giving looks like consistently supporting others while neglecting your own savings, goals, or stability. It is lending, covering expenses, gifting generously, all while quietly running yourself dry. Over time, this creates resentment, burnout and financial stress that rarely gets acknowledged.

How to navigate it: Introduce boundaries before generosity. Decide in advance what support looks like for you emotionally and financially. If helping others means consistently neglecting yourself, it’s no longer generosity; it’s self-sacrifice.

COMMITMENT ISSUES

Starting strong, full of intention, then disappearing once consistency is required; commitment issues don’t just show up in dating.

Financially, this looks like opening savings accounts, starting challenges, setting goals, then abandoning them a few weeks later. The desire is there, but without structure, motivation fades and momentum stalls.

How to navigate it: Commit to systems, not motivation. Automate savings, set fixed dates, simplify rules. Consistency becomes easier when discipline is designed into the system, not forced through willpower.

POOR BOUNDARIES

Letting the other person’s emotions run the relationship instead of setting clear limits usually leads to chaos. Money works the same way.

Poor financial boundaries show up as impulse spending, emotional shopping, or constantly reshuffling money to soothe stress. The money moves, but nothing feels more stable.

How to navigate it: Assign every dollar a role. When money has a purpose (bills, savings, rest, enjoyment), it’s harder to misuse it emotionally. Boundaries don’t restrict freedom; they protect it.

FEAR OF LONG-TERM COMMITMENT

You know how a casual fling feels easy, no pressure, no expectations, but the moment things start heading toward something serious, you pull back? That same pattern shows up with money.

Living for today often includes avoiding future planning.

Some people hesitate to plan because the future feels uncertain: inflation, job instability, global shifts. So they delay long-term decisions altogether.

How to navigate it: Think in seasons, not forever. You don’t need a lifetime plan; start with one quarter (three months). Shorter time frames reduce overwhelm and create momentum without pressure.

Anna Palomino is a financial strategist and product strategy executive with over eight years of experience helping individuals build healthier, more sustainable relationships with money. She is currently developing a fintech product that makes taking control of your money situation easy. Email feedback to lifestyle@gleanerjm.com.